Top 5 Male Full-Frontal Movie Moments
Here is a brief journey (see what I did there) through what I consider to be the top five most wang-tastic movie scenes. It came out of the blue [balls]… the male full-frontal scene. From Billy Crudup’s smurf tinged super-hero member to “Hollow Man” Kevin Bacon’s bits, countless leading gents have dropped trou forcing audiences to bask in their phallic glory. No one was ready. Well, except for maybe Boy George and Bryan Singer… they might be a little too ready. Movie makers across America felt the Nation’s growing pang for wang and obliged. I call it the emergence of Wang-O-Vision. Now, we at FilmFad.com (really just me… they will likely disown me after reading this article) have done the unthinkable and whittled down the forest of mushroom tips to the top 5 tonsil ticklers on film.
5. Joe Lo Truglio in “Wanderlust”
Would you like some Ds with that Wine?
In a film about exploring open- mindedness, the refined nudist Wayne Davidson, played by Joe Lo Truglio, finds bliss in making wine and writing political thrillers all whilst letting the wang hang. This lively actor has made us grin time and again in comedic staples like, Role Models and Wet Hot American Summer, but nothing induces more of a smirk than his well endowed character in Wanderlust. Cheers to no pubes in my glass of wine.
4. Jonah Hill in “Wolf of Wall Street”
A W[ang] in Sheep[Skin] Clothing.
DiCaprio called it “a modern-day Caligula.” I say the Wolf of Wall Street was a de-railed locomotive of drool-inducing quaalude consumption and lewd behavior. This movie ran rampant with more hookers and illicit drug use than a Halloween party at Cory Feldman’s house. So, it is no surprise that Jonah Hill’s blindingly white chiclet chomper having cocaine vacuum of a character, Donnie Azoff, found his way to #4 on the list. Hill’s prick takes the blatantly lewd motif of the movie to new heights as the prosthetic happy stick makes a cameo appearance to the mantra of “so hot.” There are few things more disturbing than Jonah Hill’s horse toothed character publicly pounding his pecker… those few things being the next 3 movie moments.
3.Saddam Hussein in “South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut”
One Saddamy sandwich with Hussein sauce coming up
(I really need to work on my phrasing). In Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s masterfully crafted 1999 musical comedy, a depraved and sex-crazed Saddam Hussein flashes an ultra-realistic (probably because it’s a cut out of real dildo) red veined wang to his pensive and temporarily un-receptive boyfriend, Satan. Hooray for devils and dicks!
2. Ken Davitian in “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”
Although mostly censored, this seemingly un-ending naked fight scene between Cohen and Davitian’s characters ultimately resolves with the pair in a 69 position and Davitian’s taint nestled above Cohen’s face. Mmm… beefy.
1. Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights
Karate Dick Hiyah!
Dirk Diggler flexes his bologna pony in this rags to riches story of a young dumb and full of chewing gum kid climbing to the top of the porn charts as well as Julianne Moore’s glistening body (Yes, I LOVE Julianne Moore! who doesn’t?) Wahlberg definitely hits the Marky Mark with his beef bayonet. Any man who lances the likes of Julianne Moore and Heather Graham in the same movie is a wiener (pronounced ‘winner’) in my book. The film would not be complete without the reveal of Dirk’s famed foot-long which has been reduced to a mangled gristle whistle [insert Flo Rida song].
For me it’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall when Jason Segel gets dumped and drops his towel. It was just so unexpected and the entire theater erupted with a combination of laughter and gasps. Then just when you think it’s over they flash back to it randomly. So good.
@WillyWonka, that was definitely one of the big names (wangs) that got left on the table. I will likely do a follow-up piece and include some that I didn’t get to. Thanks for your input!