5 Fake Movies I’d Actually Watch

Here are 5 fake movies that I would actually watch!

We all love movies. I’m going to assume that’s the case if you’re on this website and reading my articles. According to this statistic I found off of google, the average person in America sees about 1,250 movies in their lifetime. We will of course never see all of them but to make matters worse we have a bunch of fake films that we’d watch in a hot second and this is a salute to the best ones. Ground rules are, I’m skipping the fake trailers from “Grindhouse” and “Tropic Thunder.” Two reasons are, one because they’d take up most if not all of the list. And two because I think they’ve been pretty well covered across the internet and I doubt I’d be able to add much. The other rule is this isn’t JUST for the best or funniest fake trailers, these are all movies that I legitimately want to watch. If a filmmaker was like, “I’m going to film this as an actual movie,” I’d be all for it. Let’s get started.

Honorable Mention: Jaws 19

This is one of the first fake movies that I ever saw in another film; “Back To The Future: Part II” to be exact. I felt for that reason I had to at least mention it. It’s not part of the list because after seeing the actual sequels to “Jaws” (if they really made that many)… I don’t know if I could really deal with it. It works better as a gag is essentially what I’m saying. But for one of the best uses of this gag…

 

5. See You Next Wednesday

This may be something you sort of recognize, it’s certainly been in enough movies. It’s one of the longest running gags across the most amount of movies I am aware of. Director John Landis has snuck this into a bunch of his movies. “Schlock,” “Kentucky Fried Movie,” “The Blues Brothers,” “An American Werewolf in London,” “Trading Places,” and “Coming To America” just to name a few but it appears in more Landis films. And it’s not just limited to his movies, other directors have put this fake movie into their’s like, Guillermo del Toro in “Hellboy II: The Golden Army,” “Amazon Women on the Moon” (Video Pirates segment (a non-John Landis sketch)), and even video games like “Deus Ex.” This is the biggest of the fake movies, mostly seen in posters and theater marquees however in “An American Werewolf in London” we get to see a bit of it.

BE WARNED! There is slight frontal nudity in this scene below!

 

Why do I want to see this? Well first off let’s talk about this reoccurring gag; each time we see the poster for “See You Next Wednesday” it seems to indicate a completely different film. In “An American Werewolf in London” it appears to be a porno, a typical porno except instead of the jealous husband trying to kill the lovers or joining in with them (this is an orgy night according to the outside of the theater) it turns out he has the wrong room and quietly leaves after realizing his mistake. You know I kinda want to see a porno that goes in that direction. However in my own personal head-cannon I like to think that all of these totally different posters are still in fact for the same film; an apparently really hard to define film so the marketing department decided to do multiple different ad campaigns in a vain attempt to sell it. In “The Blues Brothers” it appears to be a movie about a giant ape starring Donald Sutherland, in “Kentucky Fried Movie” it’s a drama, etc. Yeah I really want to see a movie that changes genre, cast, and even director throughout, just to see the insanity that would obviously entail.

4. Arnold’s Hamlet

Do I even need to explain this? It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger doing William Shakespeare! The explanation is done! If you can read that previous sentence and still don’t get it then… we can’t be friends. Okay but in all seriousness, especially if you’re wondering where this comes from, it comes from the film “Last Action Hero.” Now personally I really like the movie but it has… not the best reputation. However I know I’m not alone in enjoying this. I do honestly get into the satire of this film. It’s so good that they did it again in “Lost World: Jurassic Park” with a fake poster with Arnold in “King Lear.” In the movie the main character named Danny is obsessed with the Jack Slater films starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. While watching the famous Laurence Olivier version of “Hamlet” in school (Fun Fact: the teacher is played by Joan Plowright who was Olivier’s wife in real life), Danny begins to daydream and creates… THE MOST AWESOME SHAKESPEARE FILM EVER!

Why do I want to see this? Come on if Keanu Reeves can be in “Much Ado About Nothing” (1993) or Gerard Butler in “Coriolanus” (2011) then I think we can have Arnold in Shakespeare. Let’s face it, we’re probably never going to see Arnold give an Oscar acceptance speech. However I always thought Arnold was fine as an actor. Yes he’s an action star with not the greatest amount of range but for the films that he makes, he’s good in them. That’s the kind of performance you want in those sorts of movies. Another thing about him, he’s got a charming persona; you’d want to hangout with him. He’s got good comic timing that he shows off in movies like “Twins,” “Kindergarten Cop,” or even in “Last Action Hero.”

But about what we get to see, this is apparently a super stylistic action film. It looks sort of like “Pleasantville” with the black and white photography and splashes of color in specific spots and this was 1993 which was 5 years before “Pleasantville.” Also for some reason machine guns exist in what looks like a traditional medieval ages time period. You get the best of “Conan the Barbarian” and something like “Commando.” Just to get answers like that is enough to make this a gotta-see-movie. And of course the one liners. We all nkow William Shakespeare is somewhat well known for his writing and some of his stuff has stood the test of time. Combine that with the brilliance and the genius of Arnold’s comebacks and we could have something that could help Shakespeare from the threat of being forgotten.

Click to the NEXT PAGE for the final 3 fake movies!